funforkids

     My song for my oldest boy is Michelle Branch and Carlos Santana’s “Game of Love”.  When I was carrying Ryan “Game of Love” was constantly on the radio, and on the vh1 countdown.  I LOVED that song.  I would get so excited when it came on, I would dance and sing around the house with my pregnant stomache in all of its glory.  One day while singing it and bopping around I got a little bit embarrassed–as if I had been caught by someone while acting dopey.  I turned around to the door and there was no one there.  No one physically anyway.  But I felt the presence of my grandmother and I felt silly and I felt myself blushing.  Strange isn’t it.  I really felt like she was with me though.  It was a happy feeling, at the same time as being embarassed.   As the months passed and as Ryan grew inside my belly, he became more active.  Each time “Game of Love” came  on he would kick like crazy.  It was almost as if he was going off of my positive vibe or something, or perhaps he just liked the beat like his mommy.   The days grew longer and he had not shown himself yet.  I was admitted into the hospital and they were going to try to coax the little guy out.  Good luck.  Two days later, although I was having contractions, he still had not made his debut.  He was heading/facing the wrong way and my doctor decided we needed to manipulate him a bit.  While pushing on my stomache—splat, the water broke and the doctor’s face changed from happy to “Oh shit.”  I thought water breaking was a good thing, but apparently, because he wasn’t in a good position it meant we had less time and there was more stress for the baby.  “Cheryl, I have to do a c-section,” he said.  I was nervous.  I was scared to death, but I wanted my baby to be okay so off I went.  The room was freezing while the nurse explained what was going to happen.  The doctor will tie your arms down to these metal arm rests, he will pinch you around the area that he plans to cut and make sure you don’t feel anything, if you feel something tell him immediately she said.  Good LORD!  I was shivering with fear and shivering from the cold metal beneath my arms, my legs, my back.  I thought, I can’t stop shivering-why am I shivering so badly?  I watched everyone around me, I listened to the music that was playing and I thought, wow, that’s pretty loud for an operating room.  It was a Sting song that believe it or not had been a song that my husband used to play when we had dinner at his apartment.  What a coincidence.  That was the only song that I took notice of and I kept wondering when they would start.  My husband rubbed my head and asked if I was okay.  Yes I nodded as I continued to shiver and as I wondered, when the heck are they going to start.  “You’re doing great Cheryl, I am almost done here, your doing great.  We’ll be done in a minute…”  WHAT!!!!  Done????  “You cut me open already?”   “Yes, your baby is coming.”  What happened to the preparation–tie my arms down, pinch me—that was some chance you took!  Then came the crying, the first sounds of my new baby.  “Here he is” the doctor said, “He looks great!”.  At the moment that my Ryan came into the world I suddenly took notice of the music again–   “Game of Love” was playing as my doctor placed Ryan on my chest and I looked at him for the first time.  Tears just ran down my face and I couldn’t believe what had just happened.  It was so surreal.  I was still shaking, and I was freezing and here was this new life that I was responsible for.  My husband standing at my side was saying how beautiful he was.  He had tears in his eyes as he looked upon his first child.  I held him for a minute and then they took him from me to check him out and to make sure all was okay.  I  couldn’t see a blessed thing beyond the cover, all I could hear was my Ryan crying, he sounded like an angry cat.  So, that’s what a baby sounds like straight out of the womb.  His crying was drowning out the music now, and I had no idea what they were doing.  I wanted to see him.  I didn’t get a good look at him.  What did he really look like?   I wanted to get up and pick him up, I wanted to sing to him and soothe him–but I couldn’t.   My husband Tom came back to me for a second to see how I was.  “I’m okay, how’s the baby?”  “He’s good,” he said, as he looked over at him while the nurses stamped his little foot prints on a hospital card.  “Do you have anything you want to put in/on his crib?”  they asked.  “What do you mean?” Did you make a sign with his name on it or have pictures of yourselves that you want taped outside of his crib?”  “I didn’t know I was supposed to…”  ”It’s okay, we’ll decorate it for you.”  Already I was feeling blue.  =(     Was I ready for this?   The doctor had finished up with my procedures and congratulated me.  He gave me a kiss on the forehead (I love my doctor) and said he would  be in to see me in the morning.  The music was still playing as they moved me from the operating room table onto a softer bed.  It was a while before I could be placed in a room and I heard the nurses talking about the spread that had been put out for NEW YEARS EVE.  I was given a cup of ice chips to nosh on and the left me by myself.  My husband had been with me for a few minutes but I had sent him off to call everyone and deliver the news.  I continued to shake for a long time.  Why was I still shaking.   The song was still playing in my head and I wondered how my baby was.  About a half hour later they brought Ryan to me and asked me if I wanted to breast feed him.  “Yes, I want to try” I said.  She showed me how and it came so natural.  He latched on quite easily.  The moment I held him again, I stopped shaking.  The icey chill was instantly gone and my body felt the warmest tingling sensation that I have ever felt.  It was a feeling like no other.  Words could not and still can not describe the feeling.  I felt like he was healing me.   We spent a half hour or so together and then they took him to the nursery.  When my husband returned he said that he had seen him in the nursery and that the nurses had made a name sign for him and put stickers on the crib.  In big bold letters it said: RYAN.  I couldn’t wait to hold him again. 

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